country summer

2^nd August

I am so glad now that I wrote those last few updates as so much has happened in such a short while and I’ve been caught up in a whirl of busyness. The summer has stretched out seemingly endlessly. I wake up to bright sunshine and look out on the beautiful countryside from the front window, and then in the evenings we watch the sun finally set across the horizon out the back and go to bed and it is still light over the field. Day after day of sunshine and fulfillment. Strawberry picking and jam making and seeing old friends and making new ones and spending time with our beloved, happy, special grandson, and helping out at Ben’s, and tracting the village, …..and church!! Not one but two. Sunday mornings find us at Castle Combe and then in the evening we walk through the village to the local chapel. Hopefully we will be used here to get alongside the villagers and reach out to the children. I read a little booklet recently by T. Epp. In it he wrote ‘ “Come on Abraham. I want to take you to a country that you don’t know anything about. I’m not going to tell you where it is; I’m just going to show you. Just keep going.” That was the way God called Abraham.’ I feel that is the way God called us too. During that tiring bank holiday weekend in May, lugging boxes to the van and wondering why I was leaving behind my beautiful garden those words were foremost in my head, ‘obey Me, just keep going’. Ben and Jenny and Stephen worked tirelessly and I am so grateful for the precious children God has given me. And so grateful to be settling into life in Tiddleywink where God wants us and where we will humbly try to follow Him.

settling in

11^th May

What a week! A week of unpacking and yet stopping every so often to look out the window at the beautiful countryside front and back. The same day as the men had problems getting the piano from Cheshunt it took an hour for delivery men to get the cooker into the kitchen here! In the end they had to wheel it across the raspberry patch with the wheels sinking into the ground in places, but no damage was done and so our cooker has arrived! We have spoken a bit more to Andy next door, Hannah and Steve in number 7 and Will from the village who has been repairing their dry stone wall. We’ve met John in the field with the horses and kind Roger and Daphne from number 8 who took me into Chippenham to pick up Julian’s painkillers as he is now in bed with his poorly back and can’t move.

“We are often confused by the events around us. Some things we will never understand until later years when we look back and see how God was working. This proverb counsels us to not worry if we don’t understand everything as it happens. Instead we should trust that God knows what He’s doing, even if His timing or design is not clear to us.” So read the NLT notes for one of our readings last week. The proverb is ‘How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord Who directs our steps.’ The connecting Psalm reads ‘The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.’ I don’t know how I came across that last week or how I found it again to write it in here, but perfect timing nonetheless.

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transition time

9^th May

I really cannot believe we are here! Here in Tiddleywink where we belong! Last Sunday as Julian and I arrived to find Stephen weeding in the garden and Ben making the house homely and Jenny preparing a meal I felt we had arrived home. And it has felt home ever since. I remember it took me six years to settle into Cheshunt and this time round it has taken six seconds! So much has happened I don’t know where to begin.

So back to last Thursday, a week ago yet maybe the longest week of my life. I felt I should go to Susie’s so we could spend our last evening in Cheshunt reading God’s Word and praying together. We looked at ‘Word for today’ and read “What has God told you to do? Obey Him! Stop vacillating, stop procrastinating, stop arguing with Him and do what He tells you. You’ll love the results.” The words ‘obey Him, just obey Him’ were to echo in my mind time and again over the next three days. Ben and Jenny picked up the van at 8 a.m. and drove easily through the morning rush hour. Caversham van hire looked most impressive and my two ‘grooving movers’ walked up the path with huge smiles on their faces. Ben surveyed all our boxes and confidently made a start. Jenny had a meeting in Cambridge so she could help fill the van and amazingly Julian was up to the journey down to Tiddleywink and the first unload. In the evening Stephen drove up, incredibly quickly for a Friday bank holiday rush hour and ordered the beginnings of the next load. We shall never know how much we packed into that second load! He stacked the boxes whilst the rest of us carried! On and on and on and there still seemed room! It grew dark and we worked by moonlight still observed by the neighbours, and finally, finally we  could call it a night and the boys and Jenny took the lorry to Vicki’s.

Next morning bright and early our removal team drove to Tiddleywink, unloaded, drove home for dinner and then managed to squeeze everything that was left on board for one final load, even the compost bins!! Steve drove back to Bristol, and Ben and Jenny drove to Reading and parked this time on Jenny’s parents’ driveway! As they drove down to Tiddleywink the following day Julian and I were busy cleaning our Cheshunt home for viewers, baking a cake, packing the car and saying goodbye to neighbours and friends. It was amazing how everything slotted into place and how we managed to say goodbye to the people who really mattered to us. Julian’s back was really beginning to hurt by now and Marion was so kind in giving pain killers, cakes and drink for the journey. Once more I was worried he would be able to drive all the way and I was praying non-stop. Then just about the time we reached the M4 it seemed as though stronger hands took the wheel and the car felt more secure. Maybe just maybe those angel hands that had stopped the box of jam jars sliding into disaster on Saturday were the same hands steering our little car safely home.

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painful goodbyes

29^th April

So much has happened in a month. We met the buyers of our Cheshunt home and everything I prayed for came true. They adored our house and we were so happy it was going to people who thought it was beautiful. Our hearts sank last Tuesday when the estate agent called us and informed us they could not get a mortgage and were having to pull out. My mind went into overdrive and I worried about the place being empty for months and the garden neglected. We said we couldn’t possibly have any viewers with a house full of boxes but the agent was persistent and we agreed to show people round. As I write this we are moving in a few days and the house still has not sold. The roses are all budding in the garden, all about to burst forth into a spectacular show and we are about to uproot and leave all this beauty behind. I begin to understand how Noah felt, building his boat with not a drop of water in sight. This morning I was packing the last few bits and pieces from our bedroom and came across a card from Andrew with the verse. ‘The joy of the Lord is your strength.’ Written nearly 18 years ago and yet it is what I need to focus on right now. Lovely how God uses words from the past time after time at just the right moment. I need strength and I need joy and it is all to be found in Him.

Last Sunday was our last at our little church. It was a very precious time. Charles preached and gave us such a touching farewell from the platform, and kind friends brought plants and flowers, gifts and cards which were most unexpected but most welcome. I had such a lovely time upstairs with Lyddy. We went over the Easter story again as everything else is packed but it is lovely to see her soaking in the stories now and when I mentioned heaven she piped up with ‘no one cries there’. We made up our own game to remember some of the main points of Easter using 2 plastic bottles and some coloured fluffy balls. There were lots of tears and heavy hearts. Why are we leaving our little church right now when we are so needed? One day it will all be made plain.

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my precious Susie

30^th March

Today hasn’t been easy. Tomorrow is Julian’s consultancy so today was never going to be easy. But then we are not promised an easy ride, or skies ever blue. This morning Charles preached in church from Hebrews 1 on the need to persevere. How easy to feel like giving up, to give way to the disappointments of life. But the Son of God never gave up on His journey, even though He was weary. He goes ahead of us and illuminates the path and He sends friends to brighten the way and lighten the load. This entry is a tribute to my dear friend Susie. She called me up and suggested a walk, so on the evening of mothering Sunday we walked over the Lea Valley Park, watched the reflection of the trees in the lake and then turned and walked back into the setting sun. It was the first evening of Summer time, the blossom was starry white on the blackthorn, the birds were in full chorus, and we prayed and uplifted each other. No one will ever replace Susie but I ask the Lord that He will provide a friend for her once we are moved and also that I will find a dear Christian friend down in Tiddleywink. Thankyou Susie.

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time to break camp

7^th March 2014

It is time for an update as we have come a long way since last November. Yesterday the cottage in Tiddleywink became officially ours, and last Saturday our house here in Cheshunt went onto the market. It seems so strange now to read how sad I was at just the thought of moving from Cheshunt. Over the winter we have suffered mentally at the hands of local children targeting our house with their anti-social behaviour. The police are involved and I can’t wait to move away. Is this all part of God’s plan in helping us move? Maybe it is helping our friends who are really sorry to lose us to see that it is best we move. We are now praying for a buyer. We know God will provide. My reading last night was in Deuteronomy 1: “The Lord our God said to us, ‘You have stayed at this mountain long enough. It is time to break camp and move on……..I am giving all this land to you. Go in and occupy it.”

Another point of interest is that we have heard how the folks at Castle Combe are in danger of losing their building. If indeed this does happen then there is an arrangement in place for them to use the church building at Yatton Keynell, within walking distance from us! We are so thankful we decided against buying a property in Castle Combe! Another reassurance that God knows and cares about our every need.

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the Hand of God

28^th November

Last week was a very low week for me. I knew I should pick up my pen and write down exactly how I was feeling but I couldn’t even do that. I wanted to write across my journal ‘Cancelled. The book that never got written.’ And put it away to gather dust and eventually be thrown away. But God wasn’t finished with me. He had begun a good work and He was still working behind the scenes even though I thought all was lost. Just like the picture of the tapestry where we can see all the knots and tangles underneath but God can see the upper side.

It began with a phone call from Steve last Monday lunchtime. We had tentatively planned to meet with the vendors, visit the church again, see the family again, look around Chippenham and see if we could come to an arrangement on the price of the Tiddleywink cottage. I was looking forward so much to this even though I was worried it was adding more stress to Julian. But in one phone call all my dreams were shattered. Lynsey was ill and unable to have us to stay, so in one phonecall I said goodbye to everything. There would be no move, no house, no church, no weekend away and no family visit. My grandson would grow up never knowing us and we would have to be content to stay in Cheshunt, which I had always envisaged since we moved there 36 years ago. I thought I would live and die there unless the Lord comes first so why did God lead me on a journey only to shut yet another door? I’d come full circle again. Was this rational thinking? Of course not. But as I write this I am very glad for that phone call and that we didn’t go to Tiddleywink. God had better plans. Last Saturday the estate agent rang and said the vendors wanted to put an offer on another property based on our 302 and was that fine with us. My response was “I think so.” So armed with my faltering “I think so” they did just that and we were told on Monday evening that Tiddleywink is ours!! I was utterly stunned. I had mentally settled right back into Cheshunt and here was Tiddleywink given to us. As I write this I am still stunned. Julian is having his 3^rd chemo; my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving my security in Cheshunt and my familiar surroundings and my dear friends. But that low week taught me how important my family is to me and how I sincerely want to work for the Lord in the remaining days, weeks, months or years that lie ahead. Both Julian and I desperately need to be in another church now that Charles is no longer at the helm in Hertford. If we can live in the village and take people along to church at Castle Combe then that would be wonderful. All I want right now is to be in the place where the Lord wants me to be and if that house in Tiddleywink is the right one for us then I know it will work out. I prayed that the house would call us if it is the right one and I also feel the whole matter has been taken out of our hands and God is leading us on.

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the Lord's leading

12^th November

What a week it has been. We put in our offer last Tuesday and the vendors took the evening to discuss it which raised our hopes but we were then told it had been rejected. Just a little more said the estate agent. So we agreed with the boys to offer 302 and after a whole weekend of waiting that offer was rejected too. The discussions with the estate agent have been endless but we are left with an invite to meet the vendors again for a sandwich and cup of tea and be shown over their home. This potentially would work well with moving stuff out of the bungalow and the next chemo. I have been reminded of something else Joe said in his message. How before a momentous event we can trace through God’s Word and see how His people were weakened. Gideon for example, and how he had to make his army smaller and smaller. During the week I felt emotionally drained and weakened. Julian was definitely weakened after his chemo. Now after a few sleepless nights I feel both physically and mentally weakened. “Aim high and follow your dreams” I used to say to Dan. So why am I not following my own advice? Do we sit here and do nothing apart from become frustrated? Or do we chase this dream and meet the vendors? Julian is more prepared to simply wait. Last night I read Isaiah 42. I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them...... Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.

When we were last down at Steve’s he mentioned how he was reading through Isaiah and what a dismal picture it was. I remembered how at chapter 40 the book changes dramatically and so I resolved to read through those precious and uplifting latter chapters once more. I remembered how Charles and others had told us to read God’s Word when we needed guidance and so Julian and I began reading through the Psalms but all we were reading about was water!! And with Julian’s fear of flooding it seemed unlikely that God would find us a house near a riverbank!! When I began reading through the last half of Isaiah I couldn’t fail to notice how often water was mentioned. I am the Lord who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. Joe touched on this in his sermon that memorable Sunday.

^{Isaiah 41:17} “When the poor and needy search for water and there is none,
and their tongues are parched from thirst,
then I, the Lord, will answer them.
I, the God of Israel, will never abandon them.
¹⁸ I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus.
I will give them fountains of water in the valleys.
I will fill the desert with pools of water.
Rivers fed by springs will flow across the parched ground.

^43:20 Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland
so my chosen people can be refreshed.

Ah, now was this meaning something to me? The name Tiddleywink is said to derive its name through someone giving a drink to refresh passing cattle drovers!! Charles was the first to mention what a great place that would be to stop off on the Bancroft route to Devon for a cup of tea. We also had noted how deceptively close the property is to the M4 and how other family members and friends might do the same!

^{Isaiah 44:3} For I will pour out water to quench your thirst
and to irrigate your parched fields.
And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants,
and my blessing on your children.
⁴ They will thrive like watered grass,
like willows on a riverbank.

^48:17 “I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is good for you
and leads you along the paths you should follow.
¹⁸ Oh, that you had listened to my commands!
Then you would have had peace flowing like a gentle river
and righteousness rolling over you like waves in the sea.

²⁰ The Lord has redeemed His servants,
the people of Israel.
²¹ They were not thirsty
when He led them through the desert.
He divided the rock,
and water gushed out for them to drink.

^49:9 They will be My sheep, grazing in green pastures
and on hills that were previously bare.
¹⁰ They will neither hunger nor thirst.
The searing sun will not reach them anymore.
For the Lord in his mercy will lead them;
He will lead them beside cool waters.

^55:1 Is anyone thirsty?
Come and drink—
even if you have no money!

^58:11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.

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seeking Guidance

4^th November

We are home in Cheshunt now and have had a few days to think things through and talk things over between ourselves and the boys. Both Stephen and Ben are keen and Naomi is backing us too! We feel an offer of £300,000 on the property is the right one. We can only afford up to 305 which would be really scraping the barrel so that is the plan for today. Last night I was looking for the verse in Deuteronomy which Joe quoted and instead came across “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the One Who goes before you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor forsake you.” (Deut 31:8) and “The Lord will bless everything you do and will fill your storehouses with grain. The Lord your God will bless you in the land He is giving you.” (Deut 28:8) As I write this with the sun pouring onto the dining room table and in the peace and quiet of our lovely Cheshunt home I still don’t want to leave. But if God wants us to then He knows what is best for us. Maybe another significant point to note is that the cottage in Tiddleywink came on the market on July 30^th! If that is the house for us then 3 significant things happened in quick succession that day!!

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waiting

31^st October

The estate agent rang today. I explained the situation, how we loved the cottage but can do nothing now for a few days. She was very helpful and understanding. I feel I would love confirmation now. I know God can easily shut the door. But it would be very exciting if He opened it wider! I don’t know if we can afford this property just with the proceeds from Ash and our savings, particularly now as Julian’s sick pay has come to an end. But having typed all this up and read it through I’m beginning to feel this journey is going somewhere and I remember Joe’s words, God IS leading. I’m at peace today knowing He is in control. And I’m at peace knowing that He WILL guide us and it will be the right way. If that way is not Tiddleywink then I’m trying to not mind!!!

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Castle Combe church

October 31^st

I nearly didn’t bring my journal to Ash but I’m so glad I did! God has worked in such an amazing way over the last few days that my hand will ache trying to get it all down on paper. Where to start? After finding what seemed the perfect property in Winsley, a stone’s throw from the Co-op and health centre and also set in such beautiful countryside with an accessible train station (well, kind of!) I emailed for a viewing only to receive a phone call from the estate agent saying it had sold that very morning! Our hopes were dashed again which is why I nearly didn’t bring my journal! However Julian had his blood test and we travelled to Brislington. On the Saturday we all drove to Winsley and loved it. We saw the house with the sold board outside and wondered why. It looked even better in real life! Sunday we were due to visit Combe Down chapel. Then 3 significant things happened to change our plans. Firstly we found out the Pastor Jon Ikin wasn’t preaching that day as it was half term. Then Lynsey had a bad night with Raffie and wasn’t up to going to church, and thirdly Steve’s friend Joe had popped in briefly and mentioned he was preaching at a tiny church in Castle Combe, and Steve wanted to go and hear and support him. We have met Joe briefly a few times and quickly agreed. So Sunday saw us setting off in an unexpected and different direction! It was a beautiful ride to Castle Combe; a beautiful arrival in the village on a sunny Autumnal day, and the church was as welcoming as Hertford!! Could there ever be as welcoming a church as Hertford was in those early days?! But to walk in and see Steve and his son getting the communion ready, the relaxed and happy atmosphere with people chatting and so obviously pleased to be there, the quaint old church and lack of formal organisation brought flashbacks of those golden days when we first went to Hertford. It just needed Charles and Tanya there to be perfect! But we know that no church is perfect. The children sang out the front and Joe got up to preach. He said how God is leading us even though we don’t think He is. Words which came back to me time and again this week. He read in Deuteronomy how we will look back and see the way God has led us. How fitting for our situation. And then we had a sweet time of communion, again with memories of those long lost Hertford days. After the service and over a lovely cup of coffee we told people how we were thinking of moving that way and they said “come to us; our church needs more people”! Is that a call too? Incidentally we went to Combe Down chapel in the evening and said the same thing but people just smiled and nodded!! Of the two services the morning was much more memorable and inviting and ‘us’!! So on Monday Julian and I walked around Castle Combe and then drove on into Yatton Keynell, a beautiful little village, more so even than Winsley. And joy of joys, Chippenham just down the road. So much closer to Ben and Jenny. We booked a viewing for a house on Wednesday afternoon, then on Tuesday found one in Yatton Keynell, and booked a viewing there. On Tuesday evening I showed Steve one I had found earlier in the tiny hamlet of Tiddleywink and asked if he thought we should view that too. No harm he said. So I managed to squeeze in a phone call to the agent just before Lynsey called out that dinner was ready. It must have been their closing time but they could fit us in the next morning!

So 10.15 Wednesday saw us at Tiddleywink- and we loved it! After the viewing we parked the car in Yatton Keynell to walk into Tiddleywink to see how easy it was and there we met the owners!! They were so friendly and invited us in for a cup of tea and another viewing! We declined as we didn’t want to trouble them and instead walked on a little way and met the neighbour in number 8 who told us more about the area and then took us round the back and showed us the allotment area and garage which could go with the property! We walked back to Yatton Keynell, looked at Ebenezer chapel where the Castle Combe folks help out on Sunday afternoons, bought some baguettes and cheese in the village shop, and noted the surgery. We also noted how friendly everyone is and bought some fish and chips from the village pub which is highly recommended! We ate them in the car in the sunshine watching some chickens running free range! After viewing a house in Yatton Keynell which immediately felt claustrophobic after Tiddleywink we decided that if there was the opportunity of a 2^nd viewing then we should take it now. So back at Tiddleywink we knocked on the door and the kind owner let us in and explained all the work he had done on the house. The two children arrived back with their Mum and they were so touchingly adorable! Again we were offered tea but we had to cut short our visit as we had our 3^rd viewing to reach. Maybe it was for the best as we would have stayed far too long. And we only just caught them in. They were back for half term but heading down to Bournemouth the next day. God certainly worked in an amazing way and in such detail. I don’t know where it will lead now. In my mind Yatton Keynell is certainly a strong possibility with Castle Combe as our church. Whether this cottage in Tiddleywink is right is for the Lord to tell us. Julian has his chemo now so we are forced to wait and not rush headlong into something that may be wrong. I think this wait is a good thing. And if the cottage sells from beneath our feet then we will know it isn’t the right one for us.

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a step closer

October 20^th

2 months have passed since I last picked up my pen. In between that time we have had another few days area hunting around Bristol, Ben and Jenny’s lovely wedding and Julian’s 1^st round of chemo.

The time in Farrington Gurney was very profitable. We spent a lot of time at the Chew Valley lakes which would be a wonderful place to live but so expensive and hardly any properties coming on the market. We spent a lovely time with Nick and Mary too who are encouraging us in our search. As well of course as seeing Steve, Lynsey and Raffie. We seem close to our move area, if we are moving, but nowhere is right.

The wedding was wonderful. Way above my expectations. Secretly I was dreading it but after such a happy day I wanted to do it all over again! The sun broke through the clouds by late afternoon but until Jenny pointed it out I hadn’t actually realised it had been missing. The day was so full of happiness we had no need of sun. A little picture of how in heaven the Lord IS the Sun. Jan asked me at the reception if anything had happened on the moving front to which I replied in the negative whilst unbeknown to me Charles was having a little talk with Steve and Lynsey about our move! The following Sunday morning found them at Combe Down for church. A week or so after I had a text from Lynsey telling me the ministry was on the Lord’s Return and how much I would love it so to take a listen on the website. This was followed the next week by another text saying how nearby Winsley looked a lovely village and she thought I would love it there. Ben and Jenny were actually close by at a wedding, also noting the beautiful countryside around Winsley! So the computer has been busy on Rightmove once again. On Thursday evening Steve rang inviting us down to see them just as Julian’s face was lighting up over a property in Winsley. Was that a call? Saturday evening I emailed through a request for 2 viewings, feeling in a strong position as this week the bungalow passed its survey and our buyer said he wants everything to move swiftly to exchange. On Saturday in bed ready to read my bible, I looked around our homely bedroom and thought how I don’t exactly want to move. After all, our children began their lives here. Then came a voice in my head saying “It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance.” I had come full circle since that evening at Susie’s.

So now it is Sunday. Julian suggested a transfer to a hospital nearer Cheshunt and was met with a negative response. But how amazing that every blood test or chemo session is used so productively. I met a brick wall when trying to find a solicitor in Cheshunt but the solicitor in Ash couldn’t have been more helpful, even kneeling down on the floor at Julian’s feet to pick the papers he needed from his conveyancing folder. The timing was perfect. The forms we had to fill in came just right to be answered and posted back through the letterbox. The buyer of the bungalow ‘just happened’ to be passing when I was in the garden so I was able to chat with him. This week Julian can have his blood test and break the journey to Bristol at Ash as well as post the signed contract through the solicitor’s door. The following week we can be there for his 2^nd chemo and meet up with Ben and Jenny on their return from honeymoon in Bermuda! Maybe God doesn’t want a transfer-or maybe the transfer is to Bath!

 

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support in direction

12^th August

When I put my pen away yesterday I did not know if I would ever pick it up again. I have had no call from God as to where to go or if to go but there is another link forged in the chain. Yesterday Julian felt led to text Charles and invite him to pop in on the way back from visiting his Mum. Charles replied that he’d love to and he’d be along shortly. As it turned out he’d been too tired to visit his Mum but he’d made the time to visit us! And his opening question launched straight into a 2 hour discussion on where we might be heading! The Lord had obviously prepared his heart too, even though he knew nothing of our possible journey! He gave us pastoral advice in the way only Charles can. He gave us his 4 sweet peas….1) prayer (yes, we continue to do that), 2) principles, (to use bible principles in considering our move such as young Timothy being nurtured by his grandmother Lois), 3) people. (We need to talk to people and glean encouragement and advice and opinions from them) and 4) pushing doors. (Actively searching.) He prayed with us concerning our possible move. I felt that God wasn’t so much in front of us as behind us. Charles, our wonderful minister who has shown us so much care and encouragement over the past 6 ½ years, prayed for our journey in our own front room. That was powerful. It felt like he was giving us his blessing on a move and was interceding on our behalf and searching for the way forward. He left me with a couple of verses. “But I am trusting You, O Lord, saying “You are my God”. My future is in Your hands”; and “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His Will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.” This morning we received a text from Sue, our neighbour at the bungalow, asking if she could show her friend around the property! I don’t know if anything will come of it but at least we have a viewer! This morning we were also given a valuation on our house here. Today I just happened to read an old card……..”Please come and see us in Bristol soon. All my love, Lyns.” Today Steve phoned and said “come to Bristol.” But where? When?

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uncertain times

11^th August

“God may give us transition periods and times of waiting to help us depend on Him and trust His timing. If we patiently do His will during the transition times, we will be better prepared to serve Him as we should when He calls us.”

That is what I read in the NLT notes last night under Abraham’s call. Today I feel like a bruised reed but I am not broken. God keeps His promises. Over the past few weeks I have spent hours on Rightmove looking for somewhere to go. Everywhere ends in a dead end. Too crowded, too rural, too busy, not enough shops, no train links, no hospital, no church, too near, too far. Does the place we think we might be going to even exist? Are we going on a journey or staying in Cheshunt? Until we have a call we are content to wait. Perhaps this is the end of the chapter but perhaps it is only the end of the beginning.

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and a wedding

9^th August

Actually another momentous event happened, only minutes after Raphael was born! The postman arrived at our door! Perhaps you think that doesn’t sound a great event. But what he delivered is yet another link in the chain. There on our doormat lay the invitation to Ben and Jenny’s wedding! For a long time we had been waiting for a grandbaby and a wedding and then in one sense we were given both within minutes of each other! Happy events amidst worrying ones. Our God is a rich rewarder. He showers us with blessings each day only sometimes we can be so weighted down with problems that we fail to notice them. And He promises to be with us in the storms, the fires, the deep waters. Even when we can’t feel His Presence we know He is there. We live by faith. Knowing all the time that it isn’t so much our faith that is important. It is the One upon Whom our faith rests and is still.

Yesterday a ‘for sale’ board went up outside our bungalow. Yesterday it went up on Rightmove. Yesterday someone even told our next door neighbour they wanted a tiny bungalow with a big garden in Ash! I know we will sell when the timing is right. Today Vicki phoned and encouraged me. Today I have asked God for a proper call if we are to move from Cheshunt to be nearer our family.

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our grandbaby

8^th August

A few weeks ago Julian’s face would have set in that oh so familiar way of his at even the barest whisper of the word ‘retirement’. He couldn’t possibly retire. He didn’t have enough money. (Secretly did he want to? His job sounds cushy to me! The chairs are apparently far more comfortable than the ones we have at home! And if he slept on the job due to his illness no one seemed to mind.) Now, 7 weeks on from that particular evening at Susie’s he has been urged to take at least a month’s sick leave and the word retirement slips off his tongue as easily as apple juice or peanut butter. I wonder if Abraham’s departure in Genesis 12 was as sudden!

Today we had the estate agent round to value the bungalow with a view to it going on the market just as soon as I have waxed the last floor and tidied all round. Only a few short weeks back this would have been unthinkable. Julian needed a base from which he could go to work and have his treatment. Today it was the right thing to do and I have peace. Yesterday I said to Ben that I felt like Abraham, going on a journey but not knowing where. And he reminded me that I need not feel lost. Wise words. No, we are not lost. God is going ahead of us, just as He did with Abraham. Today I do not need to know where I am going. I just need to trust Him and wait for Him to uncover the next pathway, open the next door, turn on the next light. I need to listen to His Voice and obey His call.

I also need to backtrack some more. Last Tuesday, July 30^th, at 9.44 a momentous event took place. Most of us were going about our daily mundane tasks. I was baking chocolate cakes! But in a hospital room in Bristol a tiny baby boy was on a journey. So determined it was more like a mission. 3 ½ weeks early and during a labour of less than 5 hours Raphael Daniel entered our lives and rapidly our hearts. Julian was on sick leave. God’s timing indeed. That meant we were able to travel down and meet our adorable first grandbaby. As well as spend time with Stephen and Lynsey and Ben and some of Lynsey’s family. It also meant we could look around houses in the Bristol area. Suddenly something which seemed so ‘wrong’ a few weeks ago just seemed so ‘right’. We didn’t find anything suitable. But the searching has begun. There was no call to be heard that we were to go to any particular place. But the journey is beginning. Maybe.

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the beginning of the journey

7^th August 2013

My journey began at Susie’s.

I guess that isn’t entirely correct at all because we are all on a journey which begins when we are born. So maybe it is far truer to say that this particular chapter of my journey began at Susie’s.

There again the reader needs to know something of previous chapters to understand this one. So the plain fact is that my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma leukaemia roughly 2 years ago, was in remission but the doctor recently told him it has re-presented. So I ended up at Susie’s for the evening.

She showed me the ‘reading for the day’ and went upstairs to settle Kristina. I read it and re-read it, and one word stood out clear and plain. ‘Faith’. That was God’s message to me that night. Susie and I read the ‘reading for today’ and the bible verses which went with it. And we read the reading for the next day as well. Then at home in bed that night I read the whole bible chapter. Hebrews 11. Those great heroes of faith. Could I actually be like one of them? Weren’t they after all only relatively ordinary people? But they all had that one essential ingredient that made them great. Faith. My new chapter had definitely begun.

“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him he lived there by faith.”

He went without knowing where he was going. That just about sums up how I feel right now. Except that I could still substitute ‘where’ with ‘’if’. I feel like I’m on a journey and don’t know where I’m going or even if I’m going. But let me back-track. Because events have happened very, very quickly since that evening I found myself at Susie’s.

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