the Hand of God

28^th November

Last week was a very low week for me. I knew I should pick up my pen and write down exactly how I was feeling but I couldn’t even do that. I wanted to write across my journal ‘Cancelled. The book that never got written.’ And put it away to gather dust and eventually be thrown away. But God wasn’t finished with me. He had begun a good work and He was still working behind the scenes even though I thought all was lost. Just like the picture of the tapestry where we can see all the knots and tangles underneath but God can see the upper side.

It began with a phone call from Steve last Monday lunchtime. We had tentatively planned to meet with the vendors, visit the church again, see the family again, look around Chippenham and see if we could come to an arrangement on the price of the Tiddleywink cottage. I was looking forward so much to this even though I was worried it was adding more stress to Julian. But in one phone call all my dreams were shattered. Lynsey was ill and unable to have us to stay, so in one phonecall I said goodbye to everything. There would be no move, no house, no church, no weekend away and no family visit. My grandson would grow up never knowing us and we would have to be content to stay in Cheshunt, which I had always envisaged since we moved there 36 years ago. I thought I would live and die there unless the Lord comes first so why did God lead me on a journey only to shut yet another door? I’d come full circle again. Was this rational thinking? Of course not. But as I write this I am very glad for that phone call and that we didn’t go to Tiddleywink. God had better plans. Last Saturday the estate agent rang and said the vendors wanted to put an offer on another property based on our 302 and was that fine with us. My response was “I think so.” So armed with my faltering “I think so” they did just that and we were told on Monday evening that Tiddleywink is ours!! I was utterly stunned. I had mentally settled right back into Cheshunt and here was Tiddleywink given to us. As I write this I am still stunned. Julian is having his 3^rd chemo; my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving my security in Cheshunt and my familiar surroundings and my dear friends. But that low week taught me how important my family is to me and how I sincerely want to work for the Lord in the remaining days, weeks, months or years that lie ahead. Both Julian and I desperately need to be in another church now that Charles is no longer at the helm in Hertford. If we can live in the village and take people along to church at Castle Combe then that would be wonderful. All I want right now is to be in the place where the Lord wants me to be and if that house in Tiddleywink is the right one for us then I know it will work out. I prayed that the house would call us if it is the right one and I also feel the whole matter has been taken out of our hands and God is leading us on.

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